I'm taking a week off from work, taking an overhaul on my house searching for warm clothes... and driving down to Moab for the annual Thanksgiving camping trip with Dan's family. I can't wait, but I'm also very bord because Dan is at work and I'm tryng to pack for both of us. I keep thinking about Kirsten and Brian and how hard it is to live apart from the one you love the most..

Dan says he thinks he will have to go to Iraq next year... and wants me to start getting used to the idea. I wonder what I will do when he is gone? Will I stay strong and remain close to him? Will he be ok? I hope that I can soak up all the time I get with him so I will not regret anything. I may have to move closer to family while he is gone, or be closer to his parents, I will go crazy!!!

We'll see what happens..

I woke this morning with sadness then, I was gladdened because it was only a dream. The dreamt that I called Anne and asked her what her plans were for the weekend (I wanted to visit Springville). Anne said she was going to Dad's funeral, as she told me about his death, I could feel the echo in my mind, the confusion and rejection... I just kept saying No.. No. No. How could it be? The dream moved forward, the family gathered in a room, I remember searching for anyone that was there when Dad died. Someone said that Aunt Chris was there.. helping to calm him. I searched for her, but then the family began to talk quietly together, someone mentioned singing his favorite song. (In real life, I don't know what that song is...) but we sang one that sounded sad but the sadness didn't match the words at all. It was about a puppy dog that wouldn't use a newspaper for the same things as a human would. It had many verses, such as peeing on the paper or rolling it around for a home. It was supposed to be funny, but when we sang it together, all of the siblings and extended family, my memories of dad flooded into my mind. I realized I would never be able to see my dad again here on earth. I pictured myself cupping my hands over his warm whiskery cheeks and looking at his soft brown eyes, then I began to miss him oh so much. I began to feel the pain that comes when someone close to you passes away. The tears were hot on my cheeks as I wandered around the room looking for a memento of the day that my dad passed. I just had to remember the date... Then I woke up. I know it's just a dream but it makes me want to call my mom and dad and ask them how they are doing. I makes me want to tell them that I love them one last time. Just once a day, or week, or month one last time.. I LOVE YOU. I guess we never know when those we love won't be there anymore. I think about all the bad feelings that flow between loved ones, then I want to try harder to apologize and soak up the good times, because before we know it, we've taken for granted having them there whenever we need them.

TO BRIAN

Here are some pictures I found of Qatar that I thought were neat.

BRIAN! I know your not going on vacation and your going to miss your family a lot;, but since your getting your man meter up and everything, you should try to remember the feminine side and take pictures while you are on your trip. We all hope you are safe while your in Qatar. We love you so much, and think of you often. I know it sounds crazy but I really feel a deep love for you and all that you've done for me. You have shown me what it is to have a happy home life and what family is all about. I hope you always remember how much we care about you. Please be safe. And have a good time. We love you lots.